LEGEND (1985)

My my my. It doesn’t take much to know that this one is going to be a doozy. Just look at the cover. We got a Dark Lord (played by an unrecognizable Tim Curry), we got Tom Cruise in a golden skirt at age 15, and we have Ridley Scott (director of Blade Runner, Gladiator, and Alien… whoa!) at the helm. Who the fuck knows what is going on with this movie? Two unicorns hold the balance of light and darkness. They just make shit up. Some goblin shoots an air dart at one and paralyzes it and then chops it’s horn off.  Why not chop it’s head off?  Another goblin takes off his weird helmet and trades sides and becomes really nice all of the sudden. Part Lord of the Rings. Part Star Wars. Part Willow. Part Tom Cruise. Part Tim Curry’s head horns are as big as his head. His head (if you look close enough) is shaped like a hammer head shark, and then horns come out of that!

Towards the end, this movie gets kinky, which is refreshing. The fantastic tale does get serious. All of the sudden a specter-like black dress is dancing around the room. The scene is top notch amongst a lot of other business that’s hard to take seriously. It’s 1985 I guess. It has dated written all over it, and I can’t quite picture a time where this movie wouldn’t be considered dated. Was this film not ridiculous in 1985? It doesn’t matter now. It’s forged itself a new life of it’s own. If you want to see Tom Cruise in a golden skirt and unicorns (I do!), then watch this. If you don’t, then stick with National Treasure 2.